Those cursed things creeping from behind
Again, I try not to let the feeling of inadequacy get to me while working on the group project. We worked on the new assignment last night. We worked for about two hours. I was actually at the helm doing the changes on the computer. The document was not formatted well. Any time changes were made to the document some of the text boxes would jumble up.
One of the group members was getting nervous watching me. I turned the controls over to another member of the group. After two hours of working the rest of the group left and the one that was nervous about the project stayed to work on it some more. This is what happens when a group works together; different software formats, some don’t have at home, only in the lab, some don’t know how to use InDesign.
I just want a good grade.
Then work. Work has been behind. I have a lot of input to do from the past week. And now I have to get boxes of tank car files ready to send to the corporate office. This would be the boxes we have stored for about a year and did not know what to do with. Now we know what to do with them, and I am behind with that project.
Must register for more classes in grad school. Must pick cognate classes I want to take in the same field.
Have to come to work tomorrow for inventory. Oh, the insanity of inventory that covers a land mass of about 25 acres. I have two new people that will follow me around so they can learn and then go do their own. I hope it won’t take all day.
I haven’t seen the kids in four days. I may not get to see them tonight because of my meeting.
Why does my mother want to come over on a weekend that is extremely busy? Why not just throw that out at us? I know we will talk more about Grandma, who is near death. More importantly she is trying to get all the affairs settled. Mom is executor of the will and is having to get a few things settled. One of her brothers has been living in a house that grandma had paid on for 30 years. He wants more. The house is not in his name. The house will have to be sold after Grandma dies. What a weird thing to plan. Not a good situation to be; talking about what will happen when, who will get what, or who is in charge of what.
The worst part of this week is when I went home Tuesday to find that my wife had brought home a black adorable dog. Yeah, we now have three dogs. My first reaction was, ‘When are taking the dog back to Michele’s house’? Then the kids started crying and balling. The crying made me feel bad. I haven’t given up yet. I want to get rid of one dog somehow. I just get a little tired of walking in our bed room among all the stuff on the floor and there is little room for the dogs and two adults to move. Thanks Michele, I say in a very sarcastic way.
Those things that won’t go away
So, I haven’t sat down to write for a few days. There is a good reason. Time. This is something everyone is short on nowadays.
One of things I have had to do is continue to work on the projects for school. We (my group) just finished one project this past week. Now we have the next project. That project is due next class, basically the same time the semester project is due. We worked as a goup on the second project yesterday in class. I feel like I didn’t have much of an input into the group discussion though. The girls (3) talk together to get it done. i learn while i watch them work, but i don’t want it to reflect bad on my grade since we have to give evaluations of each other.
At the end the group decided someone needed to design the brochure. I step in to do that. That sounds great until I can’t open Publisher at home or at work. That meant the person who created it had to send it to me in Word, which i won’t be able to get at through my email because I can’t open email at work. I am frustrated with all of this. To me, the amount of work I do in school should reflect my capabilities.
Then there is the semester project, which should and is close to being complete. The only thing now is getting with my boss about the document so that any changes can be made. We haven’t had time because one of the guys is gone so I have had to fill in for him. My boss has also had a plate full. This Saturday is inventory all day, no time there.
When i get home it is only enough time to have dinner and pout the kids to bed. I have about a two hours before I need to go to bed. That only gives me 6 hours of sleep every night. Enough, but I could use more.
i guess that really is not much stress in my life, really. The other stuff just adds a particular joy. I know that getting through this school thing is important. I just get a crappy feeling when I don’t do my regualar job covering for someone else who can’t show up for work, and I get behind.
Proud moment #28
The past weekend was a busy one.
Saturday the family gathered up and went to David’s baseball game. The big difference in the activity this year versus last year is that David is doing coach pitch. Denise thought about whether or not moving him ahead to coach pitch or keeping him in T-ball. She didn’t think about it for very long. She found out he would have the same coach as last year, who is helpful to David, so she decided he needed to go on to coach pitch.
During the practices he does hit the ball every now and then. There is a difference between the practices and the games. During the practices the coach stood close to home and sort of tossed the ball up in the air for the boys to hit. At the game the rules changed a little. The coach had to stay at the pitchers mound.
Well, David went to bat, stared at his shadow a lot, and hit a foul. That was a good thing. We watched in fear of him not hitting the ball. We don’t want David to fail. But, David does his own thing, the next pitch he hit the ball and ran. he didn’t make it all the way to first, and that is OK.
My religion
My Religion
They said: Jesus.
I said: I don’t know.
I will listen and do what you say.
That got me in a mess.
That got me in years of turmoil.
That got me here today where I am.
That got me confused.
That got me what I don’t want to have to peel away.
That got more fear.
They said: be a good boy.
I said: I thought I was.
Oh, no, they knew better.
All of them, yes, including you.
Here is my open heart.
Here is my broken mind
Here is why I have learned I am not a good man
Here is why I don’t know what you mean anymore
Here is all that makes me now.
Here is all that enters my mind daily
They said: go on a mission.
I said: I will go
Because that looks good,
every boy wants to become a man
all about appearance.
Why did I spend time, time, time.
Why did I baptize the young, they don’t care.
Why did I baptize part member families, good for numbers
Why did I go there to learn I don’t believe.
Why did I see so many people not believe.
Why did I trade my life for nothing.
They said: go home and prosper
I said: I am going home
To find out what I believe
what I want to share
what I know to be true
what my life is about
This is where I start to believe in life.
This is home for me, turning away from that, that golden thing, that golden man, that golden belief, that golden statues of ox inside those white walls, that golden belief of being the only true, the only golden, the only god.
This is where I sip the forbidden fruit of my life, no judgments, no fake clothing
This is no guilt, thankfully, no shame, thankfully, I will tell you not to go down that path.
This is how it feels to unload for the first time the pain and agony
of being told untruths sweetened with hypocrisy,
darkened by controversy,
changed for the times, so un-divine
This is a shame, shame,
maybe those people won’t make fun of me now.
Doug Logan
Somebody please help those young women
I am glad to see that Warren Jeffs is receiving some jail time.
What actually alarms me and concerns me is the aftermath of the raid on the compound in Eldorado. The amount of young women removed is large; 400. I think that goes to show the magnitude of the problem. The world outside needs to take a step in and see how this group of people have been living. I hope that a group of non-judgmental people will be close to help them all adjust out of that life.
ABC news has done a good job of following the FLDS in Utah. Was it Centennial city or Colorado. Anyway, they shed light on the fact that a polygamist colony can flourish right where they want to . The group expanded to Texas in a very rural area hoping to continue their lifestyle.
Uncovering the group has been a thorn in my side for one main reason; the stigma that Mormons practice polygamy is still rampant in today’s rumor world. Being a former Mormon I lived all my life telling people, ‘no, we don’t practice polygamy.’ We always gave the answer that it was meant for prophets at the beginning of the church. The men married the widows that needed support as the Mormons trek across the mountains. I believed we didn’t practice it. We also were told and retold the fact that Gods have more than one wife. Won’t that be great to have more than one wife in heaven.
Then that group pops up with all these wives. And then that bad man (I want to say something worse) abuses innocent people who were only following what he was saying. And standing on the outside I can say that the lifestyle they live is not what is meant by the teachings of the Mormon church. They show that there is an extreme thought in every religion.
The reason this has been a thorn in my side is because my wife told me, ’see I told you so’ a few times when we watched the news that ABC about the FLDS. Again, I had to say ‘no, the mormons don’t.’ I guess I will give up this argument since I don’t care anymore about proving people wrong about polygamy.
Now, I am sure Warren would love to hear the comparison I am about to make, but he probably does not have Internet connection where he is. It sure seems like the first leader of the church, Joseph Smith, decided to make up the rules as he went along as well. Back then the church was successful for a time in relocation and building temples quickly. The group did the same in Eldorado.
The first prophet was also placed in jail. The similarities exist further. You know people will think that proves more of the truthfulness of the person in jail. The followers of Warren will make him out to be a martyr just like Joseph Smith. But, Jeff is just a bad guy.
Someone please help those young women. They will need it.
Yesterday’s Iris
Yesterday when I got home from work I went to the garden to do the watering of all the plants. The irises have been coming up slowly. They like the bed they have been in for about a year now. When I moved them I knew that I was putting various colors all over the bed. Now there are a few blue ones amid the large purple ones. And yesterday the two white ones popped open.
So this was wating for me:
There are a few more that will be open today. The stalks are about 3 feet tall. Devri came out to see what I was doing. She told me about all the blooms that had not opened yet and when they would open. I thought it was funny that she came outside with her garden gloves on. She then turned to the onions to express great joy for how big they were. She asked if I could make the carrots grow faster. I told her that they were growing as fast as they could.
“I like carrots, Dad,” she said.
“I know.”
Then we looked at the plum tree.
“How do the bees get the honey in the plums,” she asked.
“The bees don’t put honey in the plums, they help the plums grow.”
“They help it grow, where is the honey?” she continued.
“It’s in their home,” I hoped that helped
After dinner David and I walked around the block while Devri rode her new scooter. She told me how to ride it if I wanted to. She also asked if I had a scooter.
David stabbed the air with his Peter Pan castume sword. He also stabbed Devri a few times, which got a stare from me reminding him not to do that. They went to bed late.
Bottling day
It was bottling day a few days ago.
This is where all the hard work pays off. Patience is important now. The bottles should sit for a few weeks before I try them. This is the hefeweizen I made a few weeks ago.
That is about all I have to say for now.
One drink
One Drink
Light splashes curiously across the back wall.
People staring blankly at each other.
Dimly lit smiles, half a row of teeth.
Smoke ascends grayish to the upper part of the room.
The bar stands strong. Men leaning against the rail.
Bottles line the wall behind the bar.
Beer handles sticky, wet with beer.
Old room darkened and dead with age.
Checkered colored tiles, gray, both shades.
No waitress stopping at the round tables.
A tall discolored man walks to the piano.
His tall frame requires a lot of clothing.
Solo dart thrower. Quiet audience.
The keys on the piano are heard clear now.
Nobody stops to listen. The discolored tall man
reaches to a single sleeping man. Head lifts for last
breath. Strong relentless grip on lifeless body. Nobody
sees the tall man get up and leave.
Doug Logan
A proud and hard enduring moment
Toward the end of last week I was not doing my usual job in the office entering data all day. I am still getting caught up for not getting that done. It takes a little while to get caught up. What I did was go out into the shop and inspect the tanks at final green tag area. I don’t mind that part of the process because it is straight forward process. The tanks are painted, decaled, and then inspected, having done that I was a little more tired than usual. Saturday I took on the Mighty Endeavor with two children of all the activities. That meant the morning parade, then two different pictures, and finally two baseball games at two different times. My wife had something to attend to so she was not with us. So, here I was, the dad, getting the kids uniforms on, braiding hair, and keeping up with who had to be where at what time. Holy cow. The parade line up was easy, although a one mile hike was involved for me. I got the kids started at their floats and then parked the car at the school where the parade would end. I had enough time and wanted to check on David before he got going on the ride. So, that meant hiking across the open field next to the school, through the water run-off ditch, and another half mile through town. To my surprise I was asked to drive the truck of David’s float by his coach. I missed watching my daughter on her float though. But at least I was able to see how David was doing. The parade done; two hours later-picture time. Devri did OK. Sat in the car for 45 minutes until David’s turn. David took a lot of time to get settled down so he wouldn’t be the only kid goofing off in the picture. The individual looked good, but he couldn’t keep his hands off the other guys during the group. The parade and pictures done; 45 minutes later-Devri’s game. My proud moments. She went to bat and hit pretty good. Devri made it all the way around the bases. At each base she looked up and told me ‘yeah, I did it.’ She was extremely happy at getting around the bases. The second time to bat, she also made it to first base. The next batter hit the ball and she started to run to second base. Devri ran wildly away from the guy with the ball trying not to get tagged. She does not like being chased. Her head hung dejectedly as she left the field. Her body thumped to the bench. She looked up at me and half-way smiled. I told her she did good. And, I was proud of her. David’s game started right after Devri’s ended. God bless the people that take the time to show him what to do. He went to bat once and out in the field only once. He was tired from the long day. All of the coaches kept trying to get him to play. He put it off and put it off. I wish that he would just jump up and go. There are so many times when he is happy to play. I don’t want to say that he can be embarrassing when he won’t get out there to play, but it comes real close. I was proud of David when he went to bat. He has learned yet not to stand next to home plate. He stands on it. He takes the bat and hits the ground a few times before getting ready. I don’t know where he learned that. I did that when I was a kid too. The crowd watched him intently hoping he would hit that ball. They cheered loud each time he swung at the ball, all three times. He doesn’t get upset when he doesn’t hit the ball though
